Would the story-telling be as strong if I simply lost the words?



Not just this page, but the whole - or bulk - of the story?

I like it with the internal monologue, personally. Doesn't really work for me wordless. I try to read it like that and it just seems that something's missing.

The words do seem to add a layer of meaning to the image in this page, but it kind of depends whether that goes on into the next pages or just vanishes.

I don't think that page, in particular, would have much meaning without the narration.

I'm usually a proponent of show don't tell, but I have to put in another vote for "keep the words." I think it's a monologue running parallel to the images, and supports them - I think you'd lose the focus and it'd become too general of a scene, about all the men there, not what the robot is thinking about them.

--M

Pictures can carry a scene by themselves, and this can be done very artfully... but the pages have to be designed that way from the beginning. And it usually takes five times as many panels to articulate what's going on with images alone.

Well, I'll take tat as a 3-for-3 in favor of keeping the words. Cedarseed, I'd be interested to know your thoughts on the following pages' text, since you mentioned that wonderful 'if'...

What I meant by that was, the text here seems to be setting the scene for an inner drama that one then expects to gather momentum and unfold through the story (be it as main plot or subplot). If that is the case, if this monologue really announces something that will be developed later, then it's essential. But if nothing in the story ever recalls it, then it's a dud and will look meaningless in retrospect. Does that make sense?

Totally. I'll call it 4-for-4 and keep the internal monologue. Thanks!