Hey ya'll. I'm getting pretty deep into this thing and it's about that time to get some more eyes on my work than my own. I've started the coloring process, quit, doubted myself, started over, tried a different approach, quit again, doubted myself, started over, tried a new approach, quit AND doubted myself, and then a month later, here we are.

I found a tutorial that really gave me some good direction, and I finally have something that I can at least say is an improvement over what I had. But I could use some more suggestions, especially suggestions from those of your that are so much further along than I am.

So fire away and let me know what you think. Thanks.

HAE p01 test page by jayrobs29, on Flickr

Here is page one. I know it might hurt your eyes, but soon enough you'll notice a theme with the whole "ridiculously over the top" thing...in a good way hopefully.

HAE p02 test page by jayrobs29, on Flickr

And page two. Fire away!!

Without any context of what your intent here is, I'll have to make some assumptions. I'm assuming that the character is supposed to be a child in his pajamas imagining that he's a ninja.

The way it is drawn and shaded, his shirt looks like it is stuffed with something. Is this intentional?

I don't have any problem with the blue coloring on the first panel. I think it's very interesting, again assuming we are looking at a child's imagination.

He's standing on a heating vent. That's supposed to be air inflating his shirt. i don't have the page finished that shows it close up...apologies.

Oh, and you've got the right idea about the kid. There will be a lot of transitioning between his fantasies and reality.

I really quite like the colors on the first panel. They are very stylistic and interesting. However, the second one seems a little too dark, especially with how bright white his shirt is. But I think what's most confusing about it is you can't see there's a vent under his feet, so you can't see the source of why his clothes are like that. Do you intend to show a closer shot, or a higher angle that more obviously shows the source of the air?

Yeah, the next page shows a close up of his feet on the vent. I was concerned about things being too dark...this is just a test though and I can easily remove a couple of the filters. I've never done a night scene before, so I'm trying to find out if it looks "nighty" enough. I may add some more color to the furniture to balance with his shirt, or tone the shirt down...

I wanted the second page to be completely "real" as a sharp contrast from the first one. I thought about including some sort of wind effects from the vent, but I decided instead on using his clothes to suggest movement. Do you (everybody) think that that is conveyed reasonably here?

As usual, I greatly appreciate the feedback.

Here is an updated version of page 2. I added some texture strokes and attempted to even out the contrast of the character against the backdrop so he looks a little more "involved" in the scene...


HAE p02 test page 2 by jayrobs29, on Flickr

The second version looks better with the altered colors as he actually look like hes part of/in the environment. only thing i would suggest is making the shadows and folds in his shirt less rigid, you have very hard shadows see if you can get a smoother transition. Other than that it looks good, cant wait to see more

Thanks for the input! You're suggestion about the shadows is a good one; what I'll probably do is make them closer to the mid-tone of the shirt. I had looked at that before and kinda went undecided about how extreme I wanted them to be, plus I turned my attention mostly to the whole scene's hues and colors. I hope to update soon.

I think more importantly than adjusting the tone is to soften the edge of the shadow, like you've done elsewhere on the page.

Your colouring's looking great, particularly now that you've played with the contrasts on that second page. The glowing effect on the first page is divine!

My main beef with both pages is the text - the yellow's nice, and contrasts well, but that font is a little difficult to read. I think it's partly the slightly handwritten effect to it, but it's also the way it slopes backwards on the first page (like reverse italics) - and then most of it slants forwards on the next page. It's a little confusing for my 'mental voice', if you see what I mean - it's as though the tone of what's being said keeps changing. Maybe play with the size like you've been doing (that's a cool effect) but keep the slanting consistent?

One other really nitpicky nitpick is the paragaph on the second page that begins 'It's like, you know you're goin' down' - that paragraph (particularly the second line) seems really squashed up against the sink there. It gives the impression that you didn't plan that area of text very well, and it's a bit distracting. Give it some more room?